Talking pleasure with young ones

I often get asked - "How would you approach the topic of pleasure with young ones?".

I’d become so comfortable & embodied in my own body & sexuality that it allows young ones around me to feel comfortable, natural, normal & safe.

Children will always learn through watching & actions. 

If you want to inspire - become the living example first. This is always the first step (in any leadership role).

Communication is so important - but only when backed with action. Otherwise it just creates distrust & unsafety. 

Then the child needs you to take on the adult role. Seems obvious - but so many do not lead as the adult. (Especially in sexuality).

Always protect & nurture the child.

Intuitively & as a parent, you’ll notice when the child is ready for the conversation. Or they will start to ask questions & you’ll notice changes in behaviour. Give them an honest explanation of pleasure - Celebration, safety, body etc. Allow questions & respect their boundaries of asking too many questions. Again, as the adult - take the lead in letting them ask what they are comfortable with. Hold the conversation for them. Respect their vulnerability & do more of the talking in your responses. Answer their questions without making them be too vulnerable or embarrassed.

The more honest & open you are with them - the more you will create safety & trust - the more they will come to you in the future. 

This is why the first step is so important - most adults can’t hold the conversations with young ones because they themselves are not comfortable with it. 

The child picks this up immediately & the perception of “this is wrong / naughty / dirty / shameful” imprints. 

Next time - they would rather go figure it out themselves, shut down, learn from porn, online or ask others.

You want to create a loving & safe relationship - that you are their first point of contact (for all things in life - especially the “harder” topics).

Their age will come into play. As the adult/ parent / caretaker - you’ll have to gauge how much they are ready for. As they grow up so may the conversations. (Example - self-pleasure usually comes up before sex).

However it goes, no matter how you feel or what you do - do not laugh at them, shame or punish them. Do not make them feel stupid, silly, little or naughty. 

There is an innocence in sexuality that so many of us lose because it was shamed by adults.

Thank them for sharing & talking to you about it. Empower & celebrate them. The more empowered they become, the better decisions they make.

Many of my clients never received these conversations and they were left to figure it out alone or they were shamed into thinking it was completely absurd, abnormal or wrong. The emotional influence of this creates far more "discomfort" than having this conversation may bring up for you.

Approach it as a primal instict and sacred part of the human experience and set up the child for having the best relationship to sex, pleasure and intimacy.

Go about it with young ones as you wish it was done to you! That’s it in a nutshell.

There is no right or wrong. No one knows a child better than a parent / caretaker. Give the child the best Sex Ed that you can. In this world, that’s a huge gift to receive.

The most important thing is to allow the child to feel safe, loved and respected in a topic that is so shamed and silenced in society.