Being sexually empowered does not mean that you always feel sexual.
Like life, sex is cyclical.
Clients often panic or speak with an element of worry when they share that they haven't been into self-pleasure or partnered sex recently. I want to explain why I celebrate when I hear this.
When we can be with the “winter” phase of our pleasure - we allow restoration, growth, cleansing and integration.
And then - the next sexual awakening often goes even deeper.
We’re nature. We have seasons too.
This applies to self & partnership. Resistance towards them comes up a lot.
“I’m super stressed so I haven’t felt like it.”
“I don’t know my next steps in life so I’m not feeling turned on.”
“I just don’t feel like it.”
“I just don’t have the time.”
“My partner & I are working through some big things.”
“We had a baby a few months ago & we’re not feeling sexual.”
All this is welcome and good!
Because it’s honest truth.
And only you will be able to be honest with yourself -
What is avoidance?
What is honest “winter”?
What is disconnection?
What are excuses?
What conversations are needed?
What is priority?
Where is the child disrupting the partnership?
Where is effort needed?
Where is rest & refuel necessary?
Is there something bigger going on or is your body, sexuality, partnership or life just going through a winter phase?
If it is truth, that’s it’s just a winter - it’s good because it creates an even better summer or sexual thriving.
If you’re in this space, know that winter doesn’t last forever. So allow it, be with it, comfort it, learn from it & evolve with it.
What wants to be released & restored?
How can you be with pleasure in a different form?
What have you outgrown? What do you desire?
Share with your partner what you’re moving through & together see how you can create intimacy in a way that feels good. This often deepens partnership.
If it’s avoidance, this is where radical responsibility comes into play.
What needs to be addressed?
What is holding you back from your pleasure?
Where is circumstance (job / children / lifestyle) becoming a scape goat.
Where does your health need to be prioritized? Health is a huge foundation of sexual desire - foods, nourishment, stress, exercise, mindset.
What is underneath it ALL?
Sexual seasons are natural.
However, if any season lasts too long this is where sexual shadow comes into play. Like pretending we’re always in summer / thriving. This will hinder your ever evolving sexuality. Like staying in winter for too long without addressing and taking responsibility will only pave the way to faking, forcing, disconnection and depletion.
Many of the 1:1 clients I work with go through a dip or winter.
Because all their shit comes to the surface. This is where we let the body truly show us what is what. But THEN - natural authentic sexual thriving makes itself known loud & clear.
Always honour YOUR sexuality & your desire.
The way our life looks is our responsibility.
This ain’t one size fits all.
If you're wondering how long a season should last?
This is completely up to you - your lifestyle, desire, sex drive, the importance of intimacy & connection for you. Just as there is no amount of sex or self-pleasure that you should be doing.
So allow yourself to own your sex, your desires, your seasons.
As you get more comfortable & familiar with the seasons - there are less gaps inbetween. Like any growth, you get more familiar with processing, practices, supporting, allowing and communicating.
So the “easier” you’ll move through the seasons & your sexual awakening & thriving will expand rapidly.
If you're seeking additional support through 1:1 coaching please reach out for more support.