How to Naturally Expand and Evolve your Orgasm
I’m not one for small talk so I’ve often found myself in some inspiring and vulnerable conversations. Travelling the world for the last few years has made sure I have had these conversations with people from all cultures, countries, races and ages. One question I loved discussing with many women inspired me to write this journal.
"What sensation do you feel during sex?" Most replied love, happiness, connection, worthy, adored and chosen. I would always ask again, "What sensation do you feel during sex?". This is where silence would often surround our stillness and I knew that I was onto something.
So now I ask you, what sensation do you feel during sex? Wet? Your labia start to swell as you reach a level of turn on? Your vulva begin to open as your breasts are massaged? Your vagina flutter as it is penetrated? Your g-spot swelling as your clitoris is stimulated? Your cervix pulsating to bring you to deep orgasm? Goosebumps in certain areas of your body? The texture of your partner's skin? Is your breath in sync? What do you notice? What sensation do you feel with those elevated emotions?
Our body is able to communicate with us through pleasure. We are deserving and capable of so many ecstatic sensations. What I have realized through these conversations is that many people have replaced sensations with emotional feelings.
I believe this is a result from living too much in the mind and not enough embodiment. What further separates us from sensational sex is that many people have been taught to suppress their emotions. So if we are not feeling physical sensations and we are not feeling emotions - What are we feeling? How present are we in intimacy? At what depth do we meet ourself and our lover?
It goes without saying that sex isn't just physical but I am focusing on the physical sensations for this journal write up. I can share heaps of info on this topic because it truly has become one of my greatest passions but I’m going to keep it brief. Why would one not feel pleasurable physical sensations? This is going to be different for each individual however there are some common contributors:
- Saying yes when you mean no.
- Having penetrative sex when the body is not fully aroused.
- Prolonged use of vibrators.
- Emotional and physical trauma (abuse, childbirth, adultery, abortion...).
- Porn can distort ones perception of sex creating a need to perform.
- Insecurities of how your body looks, feels, smells or tastes.
- Holding guilt and shame around sex and your sexuality.
- Self-sabatage or destructive sexual behaviour.
- Negative experiences or holding onto the energy of past lovers.
- Having penetrative sex when the body is not fully aroused.
- Prolonged use of vibrators.
- Emotional and physical trauma (abuse, childbirth, adultery, abortion...).
- Porn can distort ones perception of sex creating a need to perform.
- Insecurities of how your body looks, feels, smells or tastes.
- Holding guilt and shame around sex and your sexuality.
- Self-sabatage or destructive sexual behaviour.
- Negative experiences or holding onto the energy of past lovers.
This numbness or disconnection can spiral into other avenues of intimacy. Without feeling physical sensations it can be hard to engage authentically in the energetic, emotional, intellectual and spiritual exchange of sex. I've created a brief guide sharing ways to resensitize the body and elevate physical sensations so that you naturally feel more; allowing you to expand and evolve your orgasm.
Be intentional about living in your body. Start to pay attention to the way you carry out your life. Yes, this is closely related to your sex life. When making tea, ask your body what type of tea it wants and feel into every sensation it brings you from its warmth, to the smells and taste and to the mug you’re drinking it from. When you make lunch notice the textures of the food, flavours of each ingredient and how it all makes your body feel. Naturally coming more into your body and intuitively letting it guide you will better support you in being aware of and feeling more of your body's physical sensations.
Resensitize the vulva. Vulva refers to the entire female sexual anatomy including the labia, vagina etc. The yoni egg is one of the most powerful practices to awaken sexual tissues and muscles as well as to clear any numbness or tension stored in the body. It is really important to focus on strengthening and relaxing the pelvic floor as orgasms happen from a place of relaxation. The yoni egg practice is based around an active and passive approach and often makes a woman feel more orgasmic, increases natural lubrication, strengthens the pelvic floor and awakens sleepy muscles.
Ditch the Vibe. While a vibrator may lead to a quick few second orgasm, it can take you further and further away from internal full body orgasms. Most vibrators focus on clitorial orgasm and in fact, vibrator or not, most women don’t even penetrate themselves during self-pleasure leaving so many of their erogenous zones totally abandoned which further shuts them down. Vibrating products can also set up your partner for failure as your body will expect the same stimulation during shared intimacy and this can often lead to faking orgasms, anxiously grabbing the vibrator and feelings of frustration and unfulfillment. It is often possible to gain these sensations back over time as the body is miraculous and self-healing. I definitely encourage you to ditch the vibrator and vow to yourself to claim your full natural pleasure. Follow these steps with commitment and the more you cultivate natural sensations, the more they will expand.
Slow self-pleasure. Slowing down is a great gift to your sexuality. Self-pleasure is your time to really connect with your body. Exploring and feeling your body will allow you to better understand where you experience numbness or pleasure. Use your fingers and hands to really love on all of your body. It's so easy to go straight for the orgasm, slow down, warm up and explore all your erogenous zones. Honour your body and your boundaries. Native Nude Pleasure Wand™ will allow you to explore, massage and awaken your pelvic area. They also allow your body to relax while stimulating the cervix or areas harder to reach. The energetic properties of the crystals are powerful in amplifying healing and will support you in surrendering and erotically expressing your sensuality.
Yoni massage. A committed yoni massage will support you in clearing stagnant energy and trapped emotions in the womb space inviting in more orgasmic power. Use your fingers to really feel the sensations in your body and an authentic crystal pleasure wand will better serve you in this practice as it allows you to relax and massage effortlessly so that you are not tensing up the muscles which can be counterproductive. Authentic pleasure wands naturally retain heat, this warmth is really powerful in clearing stored tension as the wand easily reaches every inch of your body. Read more depth on the magic and mysteries of Yoni Massage.
Make love. Make mindful love with your partner. Remove the goal of orgasm and focus on every little sensation. Treat every sensation in your body as if it was an orgasm on its own. Slow down and indulge in your partner's entire body. If you're comfortable to, communicate your sensations with each other as this can create more turn on while bringing awareness to your bodies.
Breath, sound and movement. Amongst other things, orgasms are massively energetic. Breath, sound and movement will support you in moving this energy around your body and expand into full body orgasm. Incorporate deep breathing or syncing your breath with your partner, sound in any way your body wants to and let your body move in any way that feels good.
Give your body the space and nourishment to heal. Committing to these practices will bring your body back into full sensation and guide you to deeper fuller orgasms. Every single person is capable of expansive orgasms, not everyone is committed to learning. Good lovers are not born but rather created.