Receiving Pleasure is the Receiver's Responsibility
This comes up a lot.
"I want to receive more pleasure from my partner."
"I feel so guilty when I receive that I just go back to giving."
"I wish my partner would focus on me more."
And all variations around these that hold the same frustration.
My first response is always a question, "Do you know how to receive pleasure?"
Giving is a ceremony of worshipping a partner for all that they are - their body, their spirit, their mind and their energy. The presence and feelings in this exchange is massively energetic and it can be felt. A partner will only want to fully give to someone who is willing to receive. It is incredibly hard to give to someone that does not allow themselves to receive and it is somewhat unfair to the giver. When you enjoy receiving, your partner will get joy out of it too and naturally want to pleasure you more.
So before you cast the blame on a partner for not receiving enough, you must go within. Giving and receiving can both be learnt and that is the beauty of sex, our journey in it is ever evolving. Below are some tips to learn how to receive the gift of giving or support your partner in receiving.
What do you need to receive?
- A conversation with a partner? Is there something on your mind that needs to be discussed? Communication allows us to be fully present with a partner, know the ground we stand on and this makes us feel safer in intimacy.
- Do boundaries need to be put in place? This will allow you to fully receive without worrying if something that you don't wish to receive might happen. Surrender in safety.
- Do you need to get out of your mind and into your body to be fully present in the receiving? Use breath and sound to support you in this. Breathe deeper into every feeling and sound with every sensation. Do not force or perform but rather allow yourself to express everything that you feel in whatever way feels good for you. Maybe view this expression as gratitude of the divine pleasure you are receiving to overcome any shame you feel around expressing yourself freely.
- Do you need to learn to receive from yourself first? We seem to all agree on the cliche but true teaching that you can only love someone when you love yourself first. Surely we then believe the same when it comes to pleasure? Practice intentional self-pleasure and learn to love receiving from yourself. Ask yourself, "What do I want to receive right now?" and allow yourself to fully surrender to it. Notice any resistance that comes up and allow yourself to process these blocks. If emotions arise, know that it is totally normal and it is healing to express them. Let them flow to let them go.
I'd recommend journaling to these questions and allow yourself to be honest with yourself. The best way to learn to receive is first through self-pleasure. If you want to receive pleasure, you must know pleasure. Using a pleasure wand allows you to focus fully on receiving as they are designed to engage with the G-Spot, cervix and all other erogenous zones so that you can effortlessly glide yourself into receiving the pleasure of every orgasmic sensation.
When you feel ready, ask your partner to guide you in learning how to receive together. A partner can do this by allowing themselves to fully focus on giving in the moment. It is important to discuss this so that you can let your partner support you in this and allow yourself to receive without any guilt or expectation of giving. A partner can pay attention to your presence and when it feels to fade or get uncomfortable, they can remind you to breathe and sound. This allows you to focus on surrendering and receiving every sensation in your body lovingly created by your partner.
Happy receiving Xx
Feel free to reach out if you have any more questions.