Triggers & Trauma

Sexuality and taking radical responsibility of your life can bring up a lot. The shadows, triggers, resistance, freeze, flight...it's like it all comes to the surface. This topic in itself is a big one. So I feel to give a little more context and please know that even this, is just touching the surface. 
 
Triggers and traumas are similar in that they both activate strong emotional responses. Where trauma differs, is that it is associated with intense fear. A trigger can spiral a trauma response, no matter how big or small. In the society we live in, we all hold some degree of trauma, especially in the realms of sexuality. Be it being shamed for self-pleasuring, having our boundaries crossed or witnessing violence in the media. 
 
Often what we regard as "something wrong with us", is unrecognized or unintegrated layers of trauma imprinted within our nervous system. A trigger can send us into feeling the fear of the trauma that begins to feel so real in the body and it's like we relive it all over again. Then there are the recognizable acute, chronic and complex traumas. 
 
Trauma exists within the body because you weren't able to process it in real-time. Integrating trauma allows you to process the unfelt so that instead of your nervous system trying to save you from the past - you instead live from a place of newfound safety. It is one thing to have integrated trauma and another to be ruled by it. We're not looking to achieve "wholeness" here, that already exists within you, we're inviting integration. We own it so that it can no longer own us. 
  
Here is the empowering part of trauma, a process that can't be forced or rushed but holds much wisdom. Just as an awakening to your power or spirituality all leads you deeper home to yourself, so too does the healing of trauma. It takes courage, it takes you to all the edges and still yet - there is nothing to fix because you are not broken. The integration of pain becomes wisdom for the future. 
 
Shani, the founder of Native Nude, is trauma-informed through The Vital and Integrated Tantric Approach (VITA™) certification and also through the resonance of her life experiences. She believes and has witnessed firsthand, in herself and others, that pleasure has the power to transmute trauma. For many reasons, but simply put, while trauma is taxing on the nervous system, pleasure soothes and nourishes it. You do not need to get attached to the stories or spend time trying to join the dots to integrate trauma. You need to feel it. It's the emotions that your body is holding on to. You liberate through feeling it all through the body. For sure it may be uncomfortable and vulnerable but you're not gonna get out of it without feeling your way through. It is going to be how much compassion, presence and love for self you can do it with that will birth true transformation. You have the power to do this. Take all the time you need. Slow and safe, always. 
 
Our Native Nude Collective shares their experience of triggers, trauma and how they are transmuting pain to pleasure. Topics cover everything from resistance, shame, insecurities to divorce, health concerns and sexual trauma. Please read with care and only when you feel resourced enough to do so. 
 
  

 

"I found out about you and your business and started to practice and play with the wonderful "beings“ I ordererd with you and it is magic happening…after quite some years of embodiment and trauma release work the yoni and cervix explorations with the crystal wands lift me and the world around me into a new dimension...soooo precious! Thank you for your wonderfully embodied and spirited "enterprise and business" – i feel very comfortable knowing that my wands come from "your hands" which i trust and the heart and spirit you embody."

- Salome, Switzerland

    

“Tears running down my face? Why? I’m not feeling pain am I? As I continue to massage the wand, I’m reaching depths that have never been reached. Depths that hold all my insecurities and past sexual experiences. I’m practicing. Practicing being comfortable in the uncomfortable, practicing being safe in my own, practicing compassion for tenderness of my body. As I rewire, I’m learning to let go, let go of what I can no longer control and what can no longer control me. The tears are larger as I push deeper. I’m searching for more. More meaning. More understanding. More pleasure. More release. My body tenses. My tears dry up ...and that’s all I have time for today ...must get to work.”

Bree, United States

 

“Native Nude came into my journey during a very powerful shift in my life. Feeling stagnant and disconnected from my body after a period of illness, I felt called to embrace Native Nude’s authentic and empowering messages of healing and reclamation. I purchased the wand which felt the most like a ‘full body yes’ and when it arrived I was absolutely in awe of the energy it held. The packaging, product and personal support I received from Shani, were all so filled with respect, love, understanding and support. Hesitant about how to approach the healing with my recovering body, I spent some time connecting with my wand and myself through body massage. This time with myself felt like the bravest act of self-love, and truly helped me change my body-image after surgery. As my connection to my body, sexual energy and self-confidence grew, I started tapping into the wand’s power for self-pleasure. Exploring yoni massage, unlocking areas of numbness, as well as experiencing true trust and love in my relationship with myself, have all been incredible gifts. I would recommend these powerful tools to any woman who wants to heal her relationship with her body, self-pleasure, or even to improve her confidence in partnered sex. I’ve never in my life felt so connected to what I truly desire in touch and pleasure.”

Jade, South Africa

 

"Partner and I had such a real conversation about sex today and the wand is already working its magic without even trying it. I'm so grateful for what you have enabled me to face. I'm so excited for the journey ahead. Talking about the wand and inviting my partner to share I the journey has already made us so much closer. Going with the flow and letting this vibe lead us down a whole new path together. We both have sexual trauma and I felt the healing start today just by talking about our sex life."

- Jen, South Africa 

 

"On self—worth & self—permission. I want to allay a memory, or perhaps a few: recollection & release of trauma, self pity & pain. But before I do — I will talk a little about what happened yesterday. I had ordered and received a most beautiful glass pleasure wand. Something I’d hesitated from purchasing because “financial constraints wouldn’t allow” or “ what would people say about me?” or “ I can’t justify the importance of my self—pleasure”. I don’t know why I think I have to come across as an amoeba. Ask for nothing — care about nothing. It’s sets up very little room for potentially disappointing anyone but also denies the very sacred consciousness of who I am. I am not homogenous, undefined or an affected. I am deserving of feeling, volition and expressive words. So when this beautiful package arrived I went to open it and found actual rainbows dancing around my room. — MAGICAL, yes? YES! So I took some photographs excited and enamored and continued to enjoy tremendously the sensations of exploration, release and surrender of honoring and loving my body entirely and thoroughly. Of course I thought to share the images of rainbows to Instagram afterwards— and suddenly I contracted. Was it because I’m private— because I believe my sacredness is my own? Goddess knows I’ve engaged in self pleasure many many times without sharing about it online. Maybe because I don’t want to be vulnerable to what others may think of me? “ah, yes, another bitch on a spiritual trip — thinking she can buy elevation“ — what small thinking to be afraid of — What small thinking to direct my actions with. Truthfully, it’s a mixture of these. I am private and secretive and sometimes it is beautiful to experience something just for the sake of experiencing it for myself. I am afraid and I do let that fear keep me small. I have given many things away to hastily and allowed outside influences to kill them with harshness — to kill parts of me with harshness. And it has not been in service And then something strange happened. I shared my hesitancy with Shani and her response reminded me of the sacred expanding connection established when we refuse to be amoebas — when I allow myself to feel — everything — profoundly."

Maxine, South Africa

 

"To cut a long story short, my marriage ended six months after my wedding day, when my (ex)husband started having an affair. In addition to this event, there was so much fundamentally wrong with our relationship. I remember talking to my friends about sex, and telling them I didn’t see what the big deal was. It really wouldn’t have bothered me if I never had sex again. I put myself out there with my husband, trying to make things sexy and exciting, and he would shut me down, time and time again. It always had to be on his terms. This lead me to develop what I think is a form of vaginismus - anything to do with sex, be it foreplay, porn, self exploration or actual sex would cause severe painful cramping in my vagina. This made sex even less fun. Once I decided to walk away from the marriage, I eventually got back into dating. The first guy I was with very quickly changed my mind about sex. He was attentive and selfless and made me feel comfortable and confident to surrender to all that sex is. And yet I still felt, and still feel so much pressure when it comes to sex. I get so in my head and wonder if the guy thinks I’m taking too long, or not reacting in a way that other women do. Some have made comments. Others haven’t. I’ve been seeing a guy for 7 months now and we are so connected that I’ve already experienced  things I hadn’t in the past, so I do see the potential. I really want to buy a wand, but I’m scared I’ll feel like a failure. I read all the comments and posts from other women and I just don’t know if I’ll experience the same things. I really want to explore, but I’m worried I’ll be disappointed - not in the wand, but almost in myself. I guess from all the years of sex-related “trauma”, I feel incapable. I feel like this is the same as wanting to run a half marathon. The thought of it is overwhelming and seems impossible, but if I start with a few short runs, I’ll find my endurance and I can just let go of the hurt I’m holding on to. I was anxious to tell my partner about my order, worrying that he’d think I’m trying to replace him or something, but he was actually super keen. I think this whole process has made me feel empowered! I’m excited to tap into the potential."

- T, South Africa 

 

"First of all, the packaging is so beautiful. I'd seen pictures on Instagram but it's even more magical in real life. Thank you for putting so much love and care into it. I could almost feel you with me as I unpacked and read the sweet note. And then the wand itself. This masterpiece, this gorgeous work of art. It will take some time to get used to the power it holds. I've been going oh so slowly with it. Crying, releasing, letting go, letting go. Thank you."

Katrin, Germany

 

"Things that have recently been reaffirmed for me:
The body is the key to unlocking all of our trauma, but also all of our healing potential. Breath IS our grounding force. Space to integrate and sit with your medicine is as important as the medicine itself. You don’t need others to validate the shifts you are feeling on the inside. Sometimes silence is what you need. The deeper you move into your pain- the greater the opportunity to embody your pleasure. When you feel like there is no more room for your heart to expand…the universe will raise the roof! This last month has been a profound time of healing, shifting, integrating and ascending. I have been brought to my knees in surrender.
The fire of my spirit has been fanned by the dance between processing trauma and opening myself up to my pleasure. It is in this dance of embodiment that we find our most powerful liberation. Liberation from our truest grief and pain. Liberation in the ecstatic joy of our orgasmic nature. Let us create the safety within ourselves to celebrate both the shadow and the light of our human experience. Let us nourish ourselves through our growth with intimacy, tenderness and love. Let us be liberated!"

- Jade, South Africa

 

"Dear sister Shani, as I lie here basking in the summer glow, I am reflecting on the past year. One thing comes to mind, the serpent energy, and like the serpent, we too have to shed the past like she sheds her skin. The feminine holds so much trauma in her womb, so for me embarking on a sacred journey with my most sacred space, my womb was for me a key to unlocking my highest potential, and how magical to be able to work with such high vibrations tools such as your crystal wands. I purchased the black Obsidian Luna wand, and I just wanted to share with you the magic this tool holds in bringing about not only pleasure, but also powerful, deep healing. I so look forward to the next magical wand. All my love and blessings."

- Cézanne, South Africa

 

"Allowing the pain I feel right now to be infused with pleasure. To me, letting pleasure into the pain I experience allows me to drop fully into it and to stay with it. Without needing to change or fix it. She feels so healing and soothing."

- Rebekah, Portugal

 

 

"Wow, so many emotions came up for me in the ritual - joy, laughter, rage, pride, empathy and a whole lot of sadness and pity. Thanks for finding the right words! I loved the way you were holding the space and guiding us through the process. Today I feel a little down and emotionally exhausted. I recognize this low as the place where something new rises. A sort of grounding and restart. I've seen my shit (again!) and I am reminded to be patient and move slow. Not to demand from myself to feel juicy and dive into pleasure and adventure right now - especially under the such extreme circumstances (freezing cold winter and endless corona lockdown). I see and accept numbness and nothingness for now... But also lean towards the little traces of fun, joy and being touched by the sunlight."
 
- V, Germany
 
  

"I am allowed to live in pleasure. In all it's magic, unpredictability, chaos and opportunity, life is naturally pleasurable. I am allowed to want and expect more pleasure than pain. Pleasure is my birthright. This is what I felt so wholeheartedly during the Rewilding Rituals yesterday evening. I've spent years learning that it is morally good to constantly put others before yourself. I've watched people who I love, end almost every day overwhelmed and tired, but never consider changing anything. I've learned to feel guilty for feeling too much pleasure. I've told myself that in order to be loved, I can't make others jealous and therefore, I can't live a full, beautiful life! I've seen a life guided by pleasure as an unattainable, and maybe even an undesirable thing. But now, I'm committed to my unlearning. And today, this is what I'm sharing with myself (and now you). I am allowed to live in pleasure. In all it's magic, unpredictability, chaos and opportunity, life is naturally pleasurable. I am allowed to want and expect more pleasure than pain. Pleasure is my birthright."

- Abigail, South Africa

 

“Day 1 of the first ever Native Nude Rewilding was also day 1 of a massive loss, change and transformation in my life. Shani was leading her first and only five day Rewilding. I had signed up a week before after a strong pull and curiosity to do it. As we landed in the space, Shanz brought forward 3 key messages, of which I can only remember two: 

1. Loss is coming, but it is a blessing in disguise... 

2. Tending to your inner child 

I clearly remember resisting the first message completely. I said to myself..."nope that's not for me". Tending to my inner child seems more comfortable, so that sounds good. I'll resonate with that one. Little did I know that just by showing up, I opened my heart, mind and soul to my body wisdom and true as bob, that night my ex partner and I ended our 7.5 year relationship...my ultimate loss at the time. I always relate this back to one of Shani's famous lines " you can't fuck this up" because no matter how much I wanted to resonate with message 2, life had other plans and it was up to me to choose differently and see the blessings. While in emotional turmoil of loss I chose to intentionally show up for the remaining 4 days. I have no doubt in my mind that in doing this it helped me to process the heartbreak and fear surrounding such a massive change and choice. I truly believe that the space created in myself, the love I poured into my very real and raw wounds and the deep trust I forged within that week under Shani's and my body's wisdom established a solid foundation. A deep grounding to transmute and embody this loss as the ultimate gift and opportunity that it had the potential to be. Upon reflection, it is clear that over this past year, whatever has been thrown my way, my intuition and deepest desires have led the way, practicing presence and surrendering to it all- the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the brave, the joy, the peace, the pride, the love, the light. This is a pure testament to the rebirth that happened deep within my core in those 5 special, transformative days and I will be forever grateful for the Rewilding Ritual giving me the tools to hold space for my self which allowed myself to grow and thrive and most importantly love myself and my life again. It hasn't always been easy but it most definitely has been worth it.”

-Kerryn, Vietnam

 

Disclaimer: There are many things that occur that are deeply traumatic and out of your control - it was never ever your fault. It is important to explore this work at a pace that feels good for your nervous system. Heavy emotional responses may arise if you are new to this work or if you are working through trauma or emotionally intense experiences. Have enough responsibility to know your window of tolerance. If you experience pre-existing mental health concerns or are working through trauma, it is recommended to have professional support for your processing. Not only will this empower your journey but an expert in the field will more than likely streamline your process. Please reach out if you need any support, resources or recommendations.